Co-parenting after a divorce is tough, having kids to be raised you will have an endless connection with your ex-partner regardless of your opinion. Being animus with your ex-partner while co-parenting, in the long run, impinge your kid’s life. Putting aside all your past conflicts with your ex for the sake of your kid is the first step to overcome co-parenting challenges. With these strategies, you can develop an amicable relationship with your ex-partner and strive high to raise your kid as a co-parent.
What does co-parenting mean?
Co-parenting is generally a child-centered decision making, even if the parents are separated they have to work together to hold up their kid. To strive these parents need to put aside all their animosity no matter how loud their break up was. Both the parents must play an active role in the kid’s life, to make sure all the kid’s needs are met and you nail down kid’s close relationship with both the parents.
Often, leaving all the difference apart after a rancorous split is easily said than done. It can be extremely hard to overcome all the painful experiences with your ex and start interacting and making decisions together. Things change drastically after separation and you no longer live together as a family, by following these successful co-parenting strategies you can make things come together.
Key to successful co-parenting
Co-parenting becomes successful when you start thinking that your relationship with your ex-partner is completely new and it is solely for the prosperity of the child and not about either of you. Your life together may end but, your child’s life is yet to bud. The responsibility of a co-parent is to give first priority for your children’s needs. Co-parenting requires empathy, patience and good communication for success. After all, every parent wants to put their children in good position.
Impact of good co-parenting partnership on children
The co-parenting partnership must make your children feel that they are more important to you through your cooperative partnership and that your love for them is never-ending no matter how rancorous the split was. Children brought up in such a circumstance will generally,
- Have better self-esteem, feel secure and easily adapt to the new life after divorce.
- When co-parents follow similar rules and discipline, children know what to work work with and what not to do.
- Through peaceful co-parenting children’s develop problem-solving
- They are mentally and emotionally healthier and free from anxiety and stress.
Co-parenting tip 1: Heal yourself
When you are a happy individual and it is easier to co-parent with focus and intention. Successful co-parenting means setting back your own emotions and fully concentrating on your children’s needs. Even though it is the hardest part to throwback all the emotions at once, it is completely for your child. Co-parenting is all about your child’s happiness, stability and future well-being.
Whenever you feel angry or resentful, try remembering the purpose of your act. Is your anger breathtaking, stay kid-focused and start thing about moments you enjoyed with your child, this may help you calm down. All your bitter anger is on your ex-spouse and not on your child.
Compartmentalize your feelings and try to resolve the issues with your ex by self. Do not use your child as a messenger, this will involve them more into the conflict. Never influence your child by talking negative about your ex-partner. Your child has equal rights over your ex as same as you.
Tip 2: Open communication with the co-parent
To make co-parenting work you and your partner should stay on the same line when it comes to regarding your child’s life. Many a time it is difficult to communicate face-to-face with you co-parent immediately after a piercing split. But in this modern era, there are many other ways like email and text message to abstain from such situations.
These ways not only helps you to shrink away from face-to-face contact with your ex but also avoid flammable conversation. Whenever you are heated up just stop and relax for a while and then text, thereby you can flee a lot of unnecessary quarrels.
Consistent and peaceful communication is necessary for successful co-parenting. While making decisions always keep your child as the focus point to avoid conflict with your ex-partner. Methods to improve co-parenting communication are as follows:
- Always treat your ex as your colleague, be respectful and neutral in all you speak. Treat the conversation as a business deal where “your child” is the “business”.
- Be gentle, polite and make requests than making statements. Listening is the key to fruitful co-parenting. Take time and listen to your ex-partner as listening does not cost you anything. It will make your ex feel that you have understood the point, agreeing or disagreeing is secondary.
- Communicating consistently with your co-parent makes your child understand that you are united.
- Have self-control when the pressure builds while communicating with your co-parent as this, in the long run, makes it easy to overcome any situation.
- The purpose of your conversation should always be kid-focused and not about you or your co-parent.
Always have a rosy-cheeked conversation and be ready to apologize whenever necessary. Give space for your co-parent’s opinion as this may help you improve your co-parenting journey.
Tip 3: Bunch up with your co-parent
Decision-making becomes easier only if you have fruitful communication without bickering or bunching with your ex. Coparenting involves a lot of decisions to be made with your partner, regarding your child’s life. Aiming for flexibility and consistency while co-parenting avoid confusion among your children.
- There can be a divergence in the routine followed in each co-parent home, but they must follow the same guidelines to avoid your children’s sea-saw between diversified rules. Certain behavioral rules should be the same eg: bedtime, access to electronics, playtime, etc.
- Co-parenting as a team, you should follow the same schedule and discipline. This will make the child clear in its views and know what is expected from and what not to do.
- Be open and honest when it comes to serious decision making regarding the child’s education and health issues. Let the school know about the child’s current situation in life and discuss the class schedules with your co-parent.
- Try solving financial issues within your co-parent by maintaining the budget and proper receipt for shared expenses regarding your child.
- “Compromising” is a major word when it comes to co-parenting. Let go of things and be ready to compromise with your ex as this makes you successful.
- Do not argue for simple things with you ex, discuss the situation and be polite.
- Never bump heads with your co-parent in front of your child. Always consult a trustworthy person when there is conflict in serious decision making.
Tip 4: How to deal with visitation and transition?
After a divorce, every child has to face this situation. It is more stressful for the child as it is “hello” for one and “bye” for the other co-parent, whether it happens often or weekly. As transition and visitation are ineluctable, both the co-parent must make it easier for the kid.
Here are some facts on how to crater these issues:
- Try reminding your child that it is time to visit the other co-parent in advance. This will make them anticipate the change. Help your child while packing, and give them a photograph or toy for remembrance.
- Always have a play routine with your child as this may allow your kid to expect what they get when they return and help them during the transition.
- Never force transition on your child, give them time and space to adapt the change as they come from one home to the other co-parent home. Try involving in some quiet activity when your child returns.
- Do not pick up your kid from the Co-parent home, this can end up in interrupting or terminating your kid’s special moments with your ex.
- Value your ex’s love and affection for the kid, this is very essential for good co-parenting. Everything between you and your ex can expire after the split but, it is not the same from your kid’s point of view. So, keep aside all your awful past and remind the kid about your ex’s birthday or special occasion and let them celebrate it.
- Often children refuse to transition from one parent’s place to the other. Taking to your kid and knowing the reason behind and resolving it can help you handle the situation. Let your co-parent know about this and make your ex understand the reason behind the refusal. Being calm and polite while discussing such a sensitive issue is an important co-parenting strategy.
It is understood how crucial it is to practically co-parent, for the sake of your child’s life. “Never expect the change, be the change and others will follow you” always do not expect your ex to change, forgiveness can make you “win” co-parenting and save your kid from the adverse effect of separation.
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